ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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