once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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