You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
