In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
