omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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