found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
