I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Say something about gay babies.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
