my sisters under your porch take her home
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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