U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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