I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I wish i was in the wii world.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
