i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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