Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
