I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
