i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
