I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
