every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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