Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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