Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
