it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
