i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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