The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
