it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
