Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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