I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
