Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
