I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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