Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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