She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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