ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
