the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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