Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
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The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
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What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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