i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Randomize
