I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
