So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
