ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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