You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
