Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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