about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
