I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Say something about gay babies.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
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Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Randomize