Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
