I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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