Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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