just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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