I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
