he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Randomize