I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.