Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos