I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night