we have officially lost it.
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"