Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
