he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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