I never want to see another naked old woman again.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
