It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
