i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize
