dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
