In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Oh god it's open bar.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
