oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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