To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize