anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
