I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
i think i just lost a toe
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
