i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
