using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is