I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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