She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong