i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
