How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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