how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Randomize
