I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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