Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
