Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
