I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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