Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
