he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
