Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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