I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
