her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
