The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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