It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
