just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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