She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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