the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
