Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
