Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Also, beer. Big fan.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
