the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
