There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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