You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
