the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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